Vivid Dreams

I've always had vivd dreams. Ones filled with adventure, color, drama and mysterious things. I really don't know where I store all these vivid movies in my brain. Lately, I have had so many dreams that I wish I can write them all down.

Every time I wake up, I always text Matt and tell him about my dreams. He says I need to draw or paint them. I know I need to do this! The only thing I do is write some of the most beautiful ones down. Here is a dream that I haven't written down...take a peek!

I was in a black and white apartment in New York with 3 paint cans.
The apartment was drab and boring and I knew I had to paint the walls.
I opened up each can to see what colors I had.
A fire engine red, a bright, cheery yellow and a flamboyant pink.
I didn't have any paint brushes, so I just took the cans and splashed them all over my wall.
The apartment soon became a bright, loud, beautiful place of art.

Suddenly, I heard a knock on my door.
My new neighbors greeted me while taking a peek inside of my apartment.
"Wow! We love what you've done with the place."
The man's wife was asian with beautiful porcelain skin.

However, I suddenly glanced on her face and saw a tear come down from her eye.
Her skin suddenly took on the make up of a geisha and the tear formed into an old time sailing ship.
That tiny ship started to gracefully sail across her left cheek.


So weird...I don't even know. I had that dream over a year ago and I still remember it. Do I think it has any special meaning? No. If I look too deeply into my dreams,  I think I would go crazy. Anyways, until next time!

Against the Wind

These last few months have been really hard. The social media outlets constantly filter things out to us that scream, "My life is perfect. I've got an awesome new outfit, a great hair day and am taking selfies in all the cool places that you are not in."

It's funny, right? Well I want to be honest about a lot of things because not only does it put things into perspective, but it helps others to see that not everyone has it together. And that is why I so desperately need Jesus during these times of trials.

However, during these hard times, I know God is molding me to become more and more like Him. God promises us that during the hard times, he is molding us and shaping us  (Jeremiah 18:4-6). Not only that, "but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." (Romans 5:3-5).

Here I am saying Scripture, but I must confess that all of this has weighed heavy on my heart. During these times, I have sinned. I've said mean things about others, I have felt jealousy, I have worried, I have turned to other things besides God. I have questioned God's goodness through what happened at my home church these last few months...how could this happen? Why my church? My family (my brothers and sisters in Christ) whom I treasure so much? How could God let it happen for so long and how could we so easily be so deceived by someone who we trusted most?

In the midst of these questions and angry, fearful thoughts, God blessed me with a little part time job in His church. When I was grumbling and scared and asking Him why, He was providing me with an opportunity to love His children, teach His word and to use my talents to bring Him glory. Not only that, but He gave me a body of Christians to help lead me, support me and love me through all the crap. Not only did I need this job, but I needed this community during this time in my life where things are so uncertain and when I am questioning.

Like a loving Father would do when his child is crying, the father still manages to clothe him, wipe his tears, hold him, but still tells the child that they still have work to do. There is a time to mourn and a time to rejoice. When things get hard, God is near and He promises to never let us go.

This windy day brings many reflections. It also enables me to think about the past month where God has revealed and shown Himself many times when I was too busy being angry and worried. When I was too busy cursing the sorrows, God was in the midst of us. So am I perfect? No.

Can all the evil, corruptness, sin, brokenness, hypocrisy separate us from the love of God?

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:37-39

My One Track Mind

My one track mind
Hitting my shore like the tide
As we fight the currents on the inside.

I find my peace by the Big Blue
As I struggle to try to look for You.

Countless as the grains of sand,
Are the times I lift my hands
To surrender to your plans.

But the Sun shines bright on the water,
And the gleams are like stars,
When I see the beautiful things in the dark blue waters.

That's my one track mind.