In college, I struggled with insecurities like most girls. I was mean to myself. If you could've made the inner voice in my head into a person, you'd be appalled at how horrible this person would be. I didn't think I was pretty. I didn't think I was worth anything. I hated how emotional my heart was. I believed the lies. I held on dearly to what God's Words said about me to combat those lies. That I was dearly loved and that no matter what I did, God was always going to love me. I wondered if I was ever going to meet a man who treated me well. Who was kind and gentle. Who respected me. Who appreciated me. I used to write poems late at night that were more like prayers. I wondered if I was beautiful.
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Fast forward to our engagement shoot. It was really windy &, at the time, I was too worried about my hair (haha). Weeks later, I looked through all the beautiful pictures. And came across one that just stuck with me. This is the picture you will see. Then, I found a poem that I wrote back in 2010. It was a prayer to the Lord. I needed & desperately wanted some sort of affirmation from Him. I did get my affirmation at the time by reading my Bible. What I didn't know, was that He was going to literally answer & remind me years later that He is a God who always keeps His promises. That He loves me. He always hears me. He will always provide for me. And that He is with me through every storm, every wonderful moment & every trial that I will face. He was speaking to me that day. And I was worried about my hair.
So, look at this picture & please read the poem. May this bring Him glory. If you are struggling with the same questions that I once did (and still do at times), know that God so loved you that Jesus came & gave us a new found hope. I know now just how God feels about me.
Am I Beautiful?
Lemme know I am Beautiful...
I want to feel pretty again...
Please tell me I am Beautiful...
The devil's lie is hitting me hard...
Tell me I am Beautiful...
So many things are convincing me that I am not...
Lemme know that familiar hold on my heart...
Lemme know there is a man out there who will treat me like a jewel...
Tell me I am Beautiful by the way you make him look at me...
Tell me I am Beautiful by the way he looks at me...
Tell me I am Beautiful by the way the wind blows my hair...
Tell me I am Beautiful by the way the mist of the ocean air kisses my skin...
Lemme know that you think I am Beautiful...
All I need is Your affirmation...
Lemme know that that is all I need...
