The Life of a Freelancer

A few months ago, I was laid off from my job. It honestly was no big deal to me since I knew in my heart that God was calling me to do something big. Something out of my comfort zone. Something to use my gifts to glorify Him. As soon as I heard that I was to pack my things and leave, I became terrified. Not because I was afraid of not finding another job, but because I instantly knew that I had been putting off God's call for far too long. And sometimes when that happens, God has no problem pushing us off that cliff. I was too comfortable where I was and He wanted me to trust Him to take that trust fall.

I quickly became the new 5th/6th grade director at Grace Point Church and I LOVE the opportunity that has been given to me. I passionately love seeing kids learn about God and fall in love with Jesus just how I so lovingly do. Working with kids gives me a sense of belonging and fulfillment that I have missed terribly.

However, God was also calling me to do something else. For months, the word "design" and "create" have been constantly coming up in my mind. I think of those words often and have prayed so much about what it all means. Everyday, I try to live those words out. Whether it's making cards for friends or being commissioned to work on various projects, I'm learning how to crawl as a freelance artist.

To be honest, pursuing art really scares me. I've gotten so much support from family and friends and by other artists. They say my work is beautiful and I have my own unique style. At times, I am my own worst enemy. Fears and doubt creep into my mind...when I get asked to do something, I am initially shocked that someone wants me to make something for them.

"You're not good enough", "Not professional enough", "Aren't going to have time", or "You have no idea what you're doing"...those are just some of the lines my fear comes up with. In a way, it's right. I DON'T know what I am doing. But I am learning to be OK with that. I am a new freelance artist and it's OK to learn to crawl before you get up and join the race. It's OK to struggle. It's OK to be me and it's OK to be scared.

I am tired of being tied down by fear and doubt. It chokes my creativity and it subdues the extravagant life that could be.  It ruins the very opportunities that I hope and dream of. If I let go of that fear and that doubt, what kind of life awaits me? What can God do with my gifts if I just surrender all to Him and learn to have some faith?

Being let go was a terrifying day. Not because I was jobless, but because I knew, without a doubt, God was knocking on my door. When the Creator of the Universe knocks on your door, you can either hide, pretend no ones home or let Him come in.

So, here I am. Living the life in ministry while trying to get to know the Freelancing Life. I can tell you I have already learned so much and am so thankful for those of you who have prayed for me, encouraged me and given me hugs when I need them most.

I am reminded of a song by Switchfoot (yes, I am obsessed with them). Please listen to this song. It really captures a picture of where I am at in life in a beautiful, melodious way.

Lastly, let me leave you with this...

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."