Faith or Fear?

I've always lived a life plagued by fear. To some, I may put on a facade and look like I'm confident. But to others who know me very well, I am a constant worry wart.

What will they think of me?

What if I don't make it?

What if this isn't the right decision?

What if I can't afford to live?

Constant worries and fears flood my brain and cloud my soul from seeing the provisions that my Heavenly Father gives me. Lately, I've had to think of a big decision that's been weighing heavily on my heart for months. Its a complete leap of faith and I've been constantly in prayer, spilling out my heart and anxieties to God.

For a while, I have been running away from the gifts the Lord has given me. The past few months, I know that God has opened doors for me and provided. However, upon entering those doors, He has revealed to me who I was meant to be, what I was meant to do and what I was created for. Upon seeing this, I was fearful.

"But Lord! Why now?! I'm so scared! What if I can't pay my bills? What if I can't?"

Can't. Won't. FEAR.

For weeks, I have been in constant prayer, seeking advice from people who know me best and reading my Bible. Everything points to this one decision.

However, the only one getting in the way of it is ME. I've been constantly shaking off all the words of encouragement, advice and prayers. Thinking, "No, it's a coincidence. It just so happens to be this way" or "They're just saying this because they are trying to be supportive".

Right now, I can just imagine what the Lord would say to me. He's been piercing through my veils that I constantly try to shield myself with. Things such as just so happening to listen to one of my church's sermons at work when it's been MONTHS since I've done that. The very message was about fear and faith. As Christians, we are told, no, COMMANDED to live a life of faith. Fear has no room in a relationship with Jesus. Will I live a life of faith or live a life of fear? If I lived a life of fear, this means I do not trust in Jesus and all the things He said He'd do. It's not a thing to take lightly. If I say "Yes, Jesus! I believe and trust in you", but the second He's asked me to do something in my life and I say "Oh...wait just a second, Lord. I need to save up first" or "Ummm...what? No, I can't do that. The cons out weigh the pros".

If I am teaching my kids on Sunday to have faith and not be afraid, but on Monday I let fear reign, that makes me a hypocrite.

God's words have been resonating in my heart and mind for weeks. You cannot serve God and money. Whoever loses his life will find it. Take up your cross and follow me. Do not be anxious. Your Heavenly Father provides for the sparrows. You are valued much more than they. Trust me. Trust.

I prayed for peace that surpasses all understanding regarding this decision. This week, I do have peace that far outweighs my anxiety. Faith that may be small as a mustard seed, but hey, I can move some mountains, right?

So when fear creeps in, we have FREEDOM to chose. We aren't prisoners of our fears. We have been set free to chose faith.

And a life of faith is an adventurous, mind blowing way to live. Faith lets us experience a Living and breathing God who cares and loves you and who will provide for you in ways you can't imagine.

I want fear to lose and I want faith to win for once in my life.