Letting Go and Letting God: A Season of Change

I know I write a lot. I write because its a way of documenting where I am at in my life. Its a way for me to look back and reflect on past experiences. I am putting this on this blog for myself. To see the before and after process of God working in my life this summer.

I am at a season of my life where there is a lot of change. Its not necessarily bad change, but its change that really ruffles my feathers. Its really...uncomfortable. There are two major things in my life that I know I have to let go of and let God be in control.

If you know me, you know that I love to have everything under control. Not in a dictatorship sort of way, but I like to have a sense of knowing where I am going in my life and having things planned out in advanced. I hate last minute things. I am not a huge fan of change in my schedule nor am I one for sudden surprises. Like, "Oh hey! Welcome back from school! Oh bee-tee-dubs...we're moving." I know the average human being probably doesn't enjoy that either, but for me its hard when this home is seriously all I have ever known. Having that huge shock of moving felt unbelievable at first. Even though its the same city, I love this house. Its MY house. I have fallen down these stairs multiple times. Done huge cannon balls in my pool. Climbed over that brick wall that is the divider between me and my best friend's house. Taken senior winter formal pictures in the backyard by the pool. Had my first kiss on that porch. Plenty of great times with friends and family. Its all surreal.

The other thing is letting go of something else that I love. I need prayer for that as well. Sorry to be vague.

I have such tight holds on these things that its extremely hard to let go and to let God in. This summer has been great as far as hanging out with friends, but deep down, I am adjusting to this funky awkward stage of life. Two crutches have been taken away and I have to learn how to walk again. I have to learn that my home is really my family and that other thing is not my world, I can only be satisfied in God alone. I have to draw near to God. I have to stop being so harsh on myself and to let the love of Christ fill my soul. I have to focus on my own relationship with Christ and to stop comparing myself to everyone else. I have to not be afraid of the unknown. To not be afraid of loss, because with Christ, I gain. To not be afraid of surrender. And to not be afraid of being vulnerable in terms of admitting my deepest struggles and desires in prayer and to my brothers and sisters.

This is my walk right now. To let go and to let God.

Letters and Homes

Hey guys!

Its been a while. I hope life is wonderful and I hope you're relishing in this beautiful new summer sun. I know I am!

Anyways, I know some of you have been asking me for my summer address. I LOVE getting letters from people and I will be sure to write you back :) so here it is!

Jessie Christian (Kricket)

CC Summer Staff

General Delivery

Mount Hermon, CA 95041

I hope to hear from some of you! After a long, hot sweaty day at work, there's nothing I love more than receiving letters to read from my loved ones. It puts the hop back in my step (Ha...get it? Cause...I'm Kricket? Yeah...).

Life has been really good, but stressful at the moment. My family is planning on moving out of my house that we have lived in for the last 19 years (I am almost 21). Its hard because I have so many lovely memories in this home, my best friend lives next door and Starbucks is literally a 5 minute walk down the street. Its been stressful because strangers are looking at my home and I can't be here to rest while they do that. So, please be praying for me. 

Speaking of prayers, I need YOUR help. I will be serving this summer, but I CANNOT do it on my strength alone. Pray that God gives me the strength, patience, heart and perseverance this summer. I need my body (that's you all) to support me and my staff. To lift us up in continuous prayer. Pray for our spiritual walks as well. That God will reveal something new to us. That those who may be having rough dry walks in their faith will be encouraged and filled by the Living Water. That those who are in joyous seasons that they will also be encouraged in their love for Christ. 

Especially pray for our kids. Pray that the Holy Spirit will give us the words to speak. That we will reach to these kids, show them the love of God and that they will have the ears to hear the Good News. Pray that their families will be equally encouraged. That the love of God extends beyond the camp high and that this one week at camp may save a marriage, may save a relationship or may even save a life. I ask that you pray continuously. Prayer is probably one of the strongest tools we have as a Christian.

Lastly, I pray for you. Wherever you are at in life. High highs or low lows. Know that God is there. Know that He promises to hear the prayers of those who call to Him by faith. Know that He loves you no matter what you are going through. He knows your deepest struggles, fears, desires and pleasures. He is the God of the Exodus who delivered the Israelites out of Egypt. He is the Living God. He is our Savior. He will be with us wherever we go.

 How do I know this? The Bible. Its all there. Ask God where to look. He will guide you. It is the Living Word. How is it living? It speaks to the soul and pierces falsehood with Truth. May Christ guide you and keep you, my friends.

Amen.

Name Change

I decided to change the name of my blog for two reasons; one being that this is my 2nd summer going into Mt. Hermon as a Day Camp counselor (its like book 2 :D) and two being that I have a feeling this summer is going to be way different.

Calling it "Underneath the Redwoods" holds some huge significance. I know I constantly rave about how my life was changed up at Mt. Hermon, but seriously...if you experience Christ in a whole new way, wouldn't you be totally thrilled about it too? Plus, this is my passion. When you're in love, don't you just want to proclaim it on the roof tops? Or be like Buddy the Elf? Any ways, the name is significant because a lot of amazing things happened in Bible Studies with my campers. Christ used me in ways I couldn't imagine. I was humbled. And being underneath those massive redwood trees opened my eyes, awakened my heart and I got to see an intimate side of my Creator. Underneath those redwood trees, summer became a whole new season for me. It continues to be. I met some amazing people and they continue to play huge roles in my life.

This summer, I leave my expectations at the door in order to make room for whatever God wants to reveal to me this year. I have a hope that my relationship with Jesus is going to become even more beautiful. Its not going to be because of what I can do, but because of what He has done and what He is going to do. Because He shines, I come alive.

This summer, I want to reflect Christ to my kids even more. To love them. To goof around with them. To let them be kids! I think I learned way more through the kids than anything. The innocent faith of a child is such a beautiful thing. I want to have a faith like that. If I love these kids so much, I can't imagine how much more God loves them.

I'm aching to be up there, but I know I must continue to persevere and to enjoy being in the place where God has me right now. I am almost a senior. Dang...some of my closest friends are graduating. I have gone through many obstacles this last year (academically, spiritually and socially). I have wandered, returned, then wandered again. I am not perfect. These people God put in my life here are the best friends I have ever had. They have been loyal, patient and true through these confusing, happy and hard times. Not only here, but my best friends back at home have been so wonderful as well. Dang...I love these people! SO much!

Only a couple weeks left! Lets go out with a bang! :)

"When you SHINE, I come ALIVE."

A Hope-Full-Summer

As my calendar in my room goes from March to April and soon to May, I can't help but shout to the world about my anticipation for the day of June 9th to appear.

School has been ok. I have been very proud of myself for maintaining grades that I never thought I would get (that's a good thing...just so you know haha) and I have been proud of being able to prove myself wrong. What I mean by that is "Oh wow, self! See? You CAN do 17 units!" :) I am happy. I am about to get way more happier too.

You see, here's the thing. I have a feeling this is gonna be a summer about hope. And being filled with it. Last summer was about healing. This summer, I am looking forward to having a hope and a bright future. Knowing that God has been there for me every step of the way has been such an encouragement. He's definitely been there for me this whole year with school and everything else in between. The journey from last summer to this summer has been a rough one. But I cannot thank God enough for blessing me with such amazing friends. Seriously. These people constantly shed the love of Christ on me and are not afraid to call me out when I am being stupid. And believe me...I can be really stupid.

Speaking of friends, this summer is going to be SO great because my childhood best friend will be along for this crazy adventure too. Her name? Lindsay Dolan. This girl has been with me through the thick and thin. Our families have traveled many miles together (figuratively and literally) and I cannot wait to share in a summer of ministry with her. I am so proud of her. God will be doing great things in her life as she works in Child Care and gets to have her own adventures with her staff. I cannot wait to share stories about our days before we hit the hay at night (we plan on being roommates). Our families will be road tripping it up as they drop us off for the summer to bid adieu. I.Am.So.Thrilled. I love road trips!

Things I cannot wait to share: Friends, Mt. Hermon, the Creek, Taco V., Twin Lakes, the White Raven, the Farmer's Market, Downtown S.C., the L.Z. (yup...that!), Summer Staff Banquet, the dorm life, sharing Jesus with kids, the Garden of Eve, the Fountain and much much more!

I can't wait for our friendship to blossom even more! I don't know where I'd be without this girl. She is literally my sister. I feel almost spoiled having her there :) I can't wait, Linz!!

Grace at its Best

Life is busy currently. I like it, but I hate it at the same time. I'm tired, stressed and trying to wait patiently until I return to Mt. Hermon. Its a couple tests, research papers and quizzes away! I have NO idea what is going to happen this summer. Nervous? A little. Excited? TREMENDOUSLY.

This last week I've been learning a lot about Grace. God's Grace. Now, as Christians, we hear that word everyday. Its one of those words we hear so many times that it almost seems to lose its meaning. Saved by Grace. What does that mean to you?

God's been teaching me so much...yet at the same time, I've been wrestling with God (reminds me of when Jacob wrestled with God). I've been wrestling with God, because I have been struggling with wanting things to happen in my own time rather than relying on God to give me the strength to wait patiently for His Good and Perfect plans for my life to unfold. I'm struggling because I try to do things my way. On my own. I want to be in charge. So where does Grace fall into here?

Lets just say that sometimes my human self says, "Ok God...well if I do THIS then maybe I will get THAT." How. Foolish. I. Am. I cannot do anything to manipulate God! I mean...c'mon! How absurd is that? For one thing, I am depending on my works to earn favor in God's eyes....which in actual reality, His love for me stays the same because I am covered by the blood of the Lamb. God's grace is receiving something that I do not deserve. I do not deserve the grace of God...yet He freely gives it to us. Anything contrary to that is not the Gospel. Not by what we have done, but what Jesus has done. I got to remind myself constantly of this. And at the same time, I am not called to keep living in my sin, but to live a life for Christ sharing the Gospel with others. I have once heard it said like this: if I keep sinning, its like running up to Jesus as He's dying on the cross and giving Him a high five, "Thanks, Jesus! You're great! Ok, well, I'm gonna go back to my (insert sin here). I'll come back and give you another high five soon! Later!" Thats absurd. And to be quite frank....disgusting (Gal 5:1,13, Rom. 8)

Ultimately, I got to remind myself that God loves me and sees me pure in His sight because of His Son. With the help of His Spirit, I persevere through this race. He strengthens me. He helps me. I will fail, but until that day when He returns, I will be made complete.

In the mean time, I must focus on His calling for me where I am at in life right now. Its hard waiting. Nobody said it was going to be easy.

What makes it freeing is that I am saved by His grace. Not by what I can do. But what He has already done.

Amen.

EPIC: Summer 2012

Hello, blogger world!

Yes...I have come to tell you the exciting news that Mt. Hermon will be coming to Loma THIS TUESDAY (if you are a Sea Lion, stop by our booth!). Anyways, I am super stoked with what God is going to do this summer. It literally could be ANYTHING!! Like I said...I am stoked. An EPIC summer is our theme. Yup.

Anywho, I am excited to wear my EPIC green Mt. Hermon swag shirt on Tuesday. I am a promoter...so of course I talk about it a lot. And talk I will!

I have been thinking and praying for the new and returning staff that will be a part of the Mt. Hermon summer staff of 2012. One of my best friends is applying for Day Camp (I REALLY hope she gets it! It would be so wonderful and she's so perfect for the job) as well as some of my PLNU friends!

As for me, I am a busy...Kricket. School has been crazy. My personal life has been even more crazy. And my excitement for the summer is even crazier....guess that's why God put me in Day Camp. Cause I'm crazy. Woah...tangent...sorry its late.

But for reals, I have no idea what God is going to do this summer for our campers, staff as well as for myself. I like having an open mind and heart for these kinds of things. What I do know, is that it will be awesome, scary, thrilling and wonderful. I have a feeling its gonna be good. Actually, its gonna be EPIC (ha!)

Anticipation

My biggest Christmas present this year were airline tickets to Mt. Hermon for New Years. My parents are so awesome. I love how they support me in my passion for this ministry. I'm going up to celebrate New Years with people that I absolutely adore. It will be bittersweet because I will miss my family and friends here, but I will get to catch up and hang out with my Day Camp staff. I'm pretty sure crazy times will ensue. Imagine a bunch of people who have the same amount of energy as I do put together. Its gonna be good.

I also can't wait to take walks around the Redwoods. Its so serene up there and perhaps while walking around in the quiet, God will speak something to me. Needless to say, I cannot wait to return to the place that touched my heart and my eternity forever. I cannot wait to hug and laugh with all my friends.

Its coming up fast! I fly to San Jose on Friday!!! BRING IT! :)