Strength in Weakness

I am currently at work, sipping away on my scrumptious Carmel Macchiato that a good friend got me (I'm obsessed with carmel things) and enjoying the sound of the gentle tapping of my keyboard as I type these words. I don't really know who takes the time to read the musings of a 21 year old girl, but the thought of someone finding these words encouraging is uplifting in itself. And I thank you, whoever you are, if you happened to stumble across this little blog.

I've been thinking a lot about this past weekend. It was SO good. Better than good. Rejuvenating. Yeah, I'll stick with that. Anyways, I went snowboarding with my mom, Lindsay, Robin, Chelsey, Michelle and Barret. It was so much fun even though I stopped right after lunch after only 3 runs.

I simply got too tired and dehydrated to keep going on. I ended up sitting in the car, napping, reading and talking with God. During that solo time, I never thought that God would reveal something to me. I mean, there I was, really angry with myself that I couldn't suck it up and keep going. However, the thought of it was nauseating. I just had no strength. Feeling that way lead to a whole path of insecurities that started to surface in my mind. A domino effect of negativity. Thoughts like, 'Why am I so weak?', 'Why can't I do anything right?', 'I am such a disappointment...' etc. Negative after negative and to top it all off, my heart has been in the midst of deeper struggles than that. I was feeling pretty down in that car, so I decided to text my dad. I told him I felt bad because I felt like my parents wasted money on me. His reply? "No worries, sweetie! I would have paid it just to see for the fun we had last night." (The previous night we danced like a bunch of crazy people at a 50th birthday party).

That's when God began to speak to me. It didn't matter how many runs I did. He still loved me and I was His. It was so impacting at that moment. I began to argue back telling Him that I just wanted to make Him proud (because the last year of my life, I had just felt like I'd been messing up ALL the time). What if I did one more run for Him? To bring Him glory? He told me that it was just as important to know your limitations as well as your strengths. He told me to look at the mountain at all the people snowboarding. Then proceeded to say that a lot of the people who came to Snow Summit that day did not have that mind set (to bring Him glory by just snowboarding down a mountain). I had made him proud by the simple desire to want to bring Him glory with a simple thing. That encouragement from the Holy Spirit made all the negative thoughts disappear and was replaced by an unexplainable peace. In that moment, I was ok again and I had found strength in my weakness.

The Holy Spirit can speak to you at any point. For me, it was in a car at the bottom of the Snow Summit run. So random, but so good.

2 Corinthians 12:9
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."