The Mind's Junk Drawer

So, when you are home after being gone for so long, what is one thing you do? I don't know about you, but I sometimes dig through my closet or junk drawer to look at old things. I tuck my hair behind my ears, sit cross-legged on the floor and shuffle through all the memories left in physical form through objects or old journal entries.

Some memories are hilarious (reading through my jr. high diary for example. HA!). Some memories are sweet. And some memories still leave a bitter taste in my mouth. We all have them. There are memories that you look back on and laugh. Then there are those that you just want to face-palm yourself over and over and over again. But at least those memories and experiences are left behind. Some forgotten. And some tucked away safe in a little box kept under your bed.

Since being home, I have been digging through a different junk drawer. One that is sometimes hard to get rid of.

The Mind's Junk Drawer...

I felt like the bold and italic fonts were a necessary emphasis. This junk drawer gets at me. Its that place where you sometimes go when left alone to ponder your thoughts. Some of these thoughts as dusty as the old objects in the back of your closet. You dread going there because that is where all the self-doubt, insecurities, fears, low self esteem, worries and silly thoughts reside. Some of the things in that junk drawer are conversations and experiences you have had with people. The painful ones. Where you question who you are, wonder what you will become and question your abilities and worth. The things people say to you, even when they don't mean it, effect you. Such as people judging you before they even get to know you. Before they even know your abilities. They see a few mistakes and judge your entire self on them. Or how you beat yourself up all the time.

 Yeah, ok. It only effects you if you let it. I know! But sometimes that's hard to do when you don't really know what's going to happen with your future. When you are seeing others getting jobs, getting hitched, doing something with their lives...that junk drawer sometimes decides to pop open. Spilling over into your brain and leaving behind the things that bug you. That's been my struggle lately. Under estimating myself and thinking that I can't do anything. I've had people in my life that have let me down. I've had people in my life laugh when I fall. Who think they know me when they don't. Who say I don't have the ability to do something when I know I can.

However, I want to clear this junk drawer.  Its time for some renovation. I want so badly to see myself through my Savior's eyes instead of someone else's. Why do we give so much power to someone who is a creation and not a CREATOR? I want to some day teach my children humble confidence. How can I do that when I struggle with silly things like caring about what other think of me? I may not be able to wipe them away completely by myself, but my Savior can. I might not be able to control this mind's junk drawer, but the Holy Spirit can. He lives in us, but He's only willing to work on you as much as you let Him. He's not gonna force you to surrender. Its like watching a small child ask his friend for some candy and the friend hesitantly gives his friend the tiny bits. God can only do so much by how much of your soul you are willing to give Him. Why? Because He is a patient and loving Father. Allowing His children to try to walk by themselves, but once they fall and realize they need help, He is always gonna be there.

So here's a message for all of you struggling with self-doubt: Stop. Pray. Read.

Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

Galatians 1:10, "For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ."