God Chose My Brother

For those of you who don't know, God chose my brother to serve Him in Moldova for a year.

Some who have known my brother for a while, know how much this tiny, little country has been on his heart. Some may have even told my brother, "Why would you go there?", "Don't you know how dangerous it is to go there right now?", "Haven't you seen the news about all that is happening in Europe?"...just probably some of the things we've heard in the last few months.

Well, here's a sister perspective. I've known Dain for all my life. Heck, I was the one who watched him zoom around our house, making my parents heads spin. I've seen Dain burn things with magnifying glasses, run into things, obsess over the funniest things and fall into camp fires. Literally. That happened once.

Once Dain has something on his mind, he won't stop thinking about it till he does something about it. The world would sometimes point at this and put a label on this. Almost in a negative way. We have all done this. But God grabbed a hold of that. He saw that it was good.

.........

Now fast forward to many years of growing in our relationship with God. I have seen my brother become a completely different person from when we were little. Growing up with him (Dain, I love you), was not always easy. We would fight. Constantly. We had so many differences. He'd say things that really pushed my buttons. We'd be so nasty to each other, but we were always going to be siblings.

I'll never forget a phone call that I got from a friend when I lived up at Mt. Hermon. She said this,

"Jessie! Your brother has started to come to small group. He's been coming to church more and he's getting involved."

My brother and I grew up in the church, but I longingly ached that he would come to youth group and grow more and learn more about who Jesus is. I wanted that for him despite how crazy growing up was. After many years of praying, it finally happened.

It's been years since that, and I've personally seen my brother change. He's grown up. However, some people may say it's because he's older now, but no. I have seen his heart change. I have seen fruit in his life that he didn't have once before. How did this happen? Only one person can do that. That person is Jesus. Jesus happened.

When you encounter Jesus, not with what the world says about Jesus, but with what the Bible says about Jesus. Lives are transformed. Hearts are changed. This is how Saul's become Paul's.

And believe me when I say this, Jesus, whether you believe in him or not, changed my brother's heart.

........

When my brother first went to Moldova, a lot of people couldn't believe it. I was one of those people. I was one of the skeptics and I was the one that wasn't sure.

MY brother, God?

However, when the missions team got back, people were floored. Out of all the people God chose to use, it was my brother. My brother, my friends would say, was the biggest, most influential person they had on that trip. He had such a tremendous gift with the youth out there in Moldova.

My brother, whom the world thought was not the most "obvious" choice, was the one who closed the gap between two cultures. God chose Dain. Because God doesn't work the way the world does.

When God chose David to be King of Israel, David wasn't the most obvious pick either. When Jesus met Saul on the road to Damascus, he picked him to help build his church. RIGHT?! Saul...the dude who was out and about killing and persecuting Christians. Jesus came down and chose HIM. WHAT?! His life was transformed. That's when he became the Apostle Paul.

.......

So with all this writing and random thoughts about my brother going to Moldova, the one thing that comes to mind is this....I am SO incredibly proud of my brother. Not just because he's going on a missions trip, but because he is faithful to God's call. And you can literally see the Gospel changing my brother. It all points back to Jesus.

You see, when God calls you and when you choose to obey that call, He is faithful. I am excited to see what God has in store for Dain.

Many people have asked if I am scared for him or worried. Thinking about it for a while, I can honestly say 'no'. Why? Because the God of Israel is watching over him. Because we need to have faith.

.......

Dain, if you are reading this, I love you so much. I may not always express it, but I am so proud of you. I have been thinking and praying for you. Do not forget to put on God's armor every day. You will be challenged and you may experience some hardships, but don't get discouraged by this (Romans 5:3-5). Remain close to God because He will always deliver you. Trust Him above all else. Know that He has chosen you to deliver the Gospel to kids who are so in need of seeing Christ's love just as you have experienced. Know that He is proud of you for having faith and answering his call. Most importantly, pray and never stop praying. All the while knowing that your family and friends here are also praying for you.

I love you, Dainers <3


Love,

Jessie

My Own Psalm

O LORD, you manifest yourself in mysterious ways.

In the chaos, you are a whisper.

In the silence, you are a roar.

I was plagued with shame,

And you washed me with kindness.

I was filled with guilt,

And you filled it with laughter.

My heart was restless,

And you filled me with peace.

My worries seemed so big,

Your ocean was bigger.

How do you do it?

How do you love me so well?

How do you know when I need rest?

How do you know what fills me up?

You are my Creator.

You know the perfect recipe.

You know the perfect ways.

Father, I come back and I am still feeling empty.

I feel insecure, scared and unsure of where I'm at.

I need your help.

Help me to not ever believe that I can do things without You.

Help me to find satisfaction in You.

Help me to realize that my security should come only from You. 

Help me to rid myself of the things that hold me down.

Remove from me the enemies words.

Replace them with Your Holy Spirit's confidence.

Rid the thorns,

Replace them with roses.

Be my true Escape.

Be my Paradise.

Be my Ocean.

Take my hand,

Plant my roots next to your Living Water.

Be my solitude,

Be my song,

Be my longing,

Be my everything.

Selah

My New Work Uniform

Ephesians 6:10-18

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 14 Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. 16 In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one;17 and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,

............................

I let my guard down last night and the enemy creeped in and tried to intimidate, destroy and put me down.

However, my God is strong and He ALWAYS wins. Did you hear that? Always. So, when fear and intimidation gets the best of me, I must rely on my shield of faith and trust that God will take care of me and He is in control. I cannot be touched.

It's also a good reminder to wake up each day and pray. Before your feet touch the floor, pray that God will be your fortress and will help defend you from the devil and his schemes.  When fear tries to choke us, tell it that it has no power because Jesus reigns and He gives us strength and power to endure.

My Savior reigns. Jesus has won. Let us rejoice in the Lord always.

The Life of a Freelancer

A few months ago, I was laid off from my job. It honestly was no big deal to me since I knew in my heart that God was calling me to do something big. Something out of my comfort zone. Something to use my gifts to glorify Him. As soon as I heard that I was to pack my things and leave, I became terrified. Not because I was afraid of not finding another job, but because I instantly knew that I had been putting off God's call for far too long. And sometimes when that happens, God has no problem pushing us off that cliff. I was too comfortable where I was and He wanted me to trust Him to take that trust fall.

I quickly became the new 5th/6th grade director at Grace Point Church and I LOVE the opportunity that has been given to me. I passionately love seeing kids learn about God and fall in love with Jesus just how I so lovingly do. Working with kids gives me a sense of belonging and fulfillment that I have missed terribly.

However, God was also calling me to do something else. For months, the word "design" and "create" have been constantly coming up in my mind. I think of those words often and have prayed so much about what it all means. Everyday, I try to live those words out. Whether it's making cards for friends or being commissioned to work on various projects, I'm learning how to crawl as a freelance artist.

To be honest, pursuing art really scares me. I've gotten so much support from family and friends and by other artists. They say my work is beautiful and I have my own unique style. At times, I am my own worst enemy. Fears and doubt creep into my mind...when I get asked to do something, I am initially shocked that someone wants me to make something for them.

"You're not good enough", "Not professional enough", "Aren't going to have time", or "You have no idea what you're doing"...those are just some of the lines my fear comes up with. In a way, it's right. I DON'T know what I am doing. But I am learning to be OK with that. I am a new freelance artist and it's OK to learn to crawl before you get up and join the race. It's OK to struggle. It's OK to be me and it's OK to be scared.

I am tired of being tied down by fear and doubt. It chokes my creativity and it subdues the extravagant life that could be.  It ruins the very opportunities that I hope and dream of. If I let go of that fear and that doubt, what kind of life awaits me? What can God do with my gifts if I just surrender all to Him and learn to have some faith?

Being let go was a terrifying day. Not because I was jobless, but because I knew, without a doubt, God was knocking on my door. When the Creator of the Universe knocks on your door, you can either hide, pretend no ones home or let Him come in.

So, here I am. Living the life in ministry while trying to get to know the Freelancing Life. I can tell you I have already learned so much and am so thankful for those of you who have prayed for me, encouraged me and given me hugs when I need them most.

I am reminded of a song by Switchfoot (yes, I am obsessed with them). Please listen to this song. It really captures a picture of where I am at in life in a beautiful, melodious way.

Lastly, let me leave you with this...

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

Vivid Dreams

I've always had vivd dreams. Ones filled with adventure, color, drama and mysterious things. I really don't know where I store all these vivid movies in my brain. Lately, I have had so many dreams that I wish I can write them all down.

Every time I wake up, I always text Matt and tell him about my dreams. He says I need to draw or paint them. I know I need to do this! The only thing I do is write some of the most beautiful ones down. Here is a dream that I haven't written down...take a peek!

I was in a black and white apartment in New York with 3 paint cans.
The apartment was drab and boring and I knew I had to paint the walls.
I opened up each can to see what colors I had.
A fire engine red, a bright, cheery yellow and a flamboyant pink.
I didn't have any paint brushes, so I just took the cans and splashed them all over my wall.
The apartment soon became a bright, loud, beautiful place of art.

Suddenly, I heard a knock on my door.
My new neighbors greeted me while taking a peek inside of my apartment.
"Wow! We love what you've done with the place."
The man's wife was asian with beautiful porcelain skin.

However, I suddenly glanced on her face and saw a tear come down from her eye.
Her skin suddenly took on the make up of a geisha and the tear formed into an old time sailing ship.
That tiny ship started to gracefully sail across her left cheek.


So weird...I don't even know. I had that dream over a year ago and I still remember it. Do I think it has any special meaning? No. If I look too deeply into my dreams,  I think I would go crazy. Anyways, until next time!

Against the Wind

These last few months have been really hard. The social media outlets constantly filter things out to us that scream, "My life is perfect. I've got an awesome new outfit, a great hair day and am taking selfies in all the cool places that you are not in."

It's funny, right? Well I want to be honest about a lot of things because not only does it put things into perspective, but it helps others to see that not everyone has it together. And that is why I so desperately need Jesus during these times of trials.

However, during these hard times, I know God is molding me to become more and more like Him. God promises us that during the hard times, he is molding us and shaping us  (Jeremiah 18:4-6). Not only that, "but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." (Romans 5:3-5).

Here I am saying Scripture, but I must confess that all of this has weighed heavy on my heart. During these times, I have sinned. I've said mean things about others, I have felt jealousy, I have worried, I have turned to other things besides God. I have questioned God's goodness through what happened at my home church these last few months...how could this happen? Why my church? My family (my brothers and sisters in Christ) whom I treasure so much? How could God let it happen for so long and how could we so easily be so deceived by someone who we trusted most?

In the midst of these questions and angry, fearful thoughts, God blessed me with a little part time job in His church. When I was grumbling and scared and asking Him why, He was providing me with an opportunity to love His children, teach His word and to use my talents to bring Him glory. Not only that, but He gave me a body of Christians to help lead me, support me and love me through all the crap. Not only did I need this job, but I needed this community during this time in my life where things are so uncertain and when I am questioning.

Like a loving Father would do when his child is crying, the father still manages to clothe him, wipe his tears, hold him, but still tells the child that they still have work to do. There is a time to mourn and a time to rejoice. When things get hard, God is near and He promises to never let us go.

This windy day brings many reflections. It also enables me to think about the past month where God has revealed and shown Himself many times when I was too busy being angry and worried. When I was too busy cursing the sorrows, God was in the midst of us. So am I perfect? No.

Can all the evil, corruptness, sin, brokenness, hypocrisy separate us from the love of God?

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:37-39

My One Track Mind

My one track mind
Hitting my shore like the tide
As we fight the currents on the inside.

I find my peace by the Big Blue
As I struggle to try to look for You.

Countless as the grains of sand,
Are the times I lift my hands
To surrender to your plans.

But the Sun shines bright on the water,
And the gleams are like stars,
When I see the beautiful things in the dark blue waters.

That's my one track mind.