I haven't been on Social Media as much as I used to these days & I am ok with it. After deleting the apps on my phone, I've seen a lot of changes in my mood & overall satisfaction with where I am right now. I am present.
Ok...ok...I still have SnapChat cuz I got to keep my streak going with Cat! But, ya know, that's ok. :)
I find myself not "competing" with anyone else but myself. You do fall into comparing when all you do is scroll through your phone all day long. I found myself checking Instagram every few seconds...I was even doing it when I wasn't even aware I was doing it! That's when I knew I needed a little break.
I think everyone should take a break every now & then. Not trying to toot my own horn, but we weren't created to know what everyone was doing at all times. Our brains go into system overload & I think it's increased selfishness, vanity, anxiety & depression.
Anything that is good can also be bad for you. Like anything, moderation is key.
I don't think it takes an expert to figure all this out. It just takes a little thing called Self Control.
.
.
.
I say all this cause not only is it true, but I've been really trying to take care of myself. About a month ago, I started realizing that my lifestyle wasn't at all healthy.
Most people look at me & think "She's skinny, so she's fine. She's pretty toned, so she's in shape. She's got it all together because she's always smiling." When really, I was not fine. I noticed it about a year ago in winter. I was sad & anxious & I thought it all was from the stress of wedding planning. Fast forward a year later, and the same thing feelings resurfaced. Even though I was deep in God's word & journaling everyday, something in me was telling me that "physically", I was not well.
I just remember calling my mom & telling her I didn't "feel" completely right. Like I was off. She encouraged me to go see my doctor. So did my husband & another close friend. So, I went. I got everything tested from my thyroid, to my iron levels in my blood, to an EKG...I just wanted some answers as to why I was feeling so fatigued, moody, anxious & down.
.
.
.
I got my results back & I got a clear bill of health. However, my Vitamin D levels were low. Vitamin D is vital for us in the winter. It is literally the "sunshine" vitamin. It helps our mood. EUREKA! They FOUND SOMETHING...I wasn't crazy! My doctor immediately prescribed me a heavy dose of Vitamin D & I am currently taking this stuff for 12 weeks straight & am going to have to take supplements indefinitely. She also asked me if I was exercising 5x a week for 30 minutes.
To which I sheepishly replied, "No." HAHA! She encouraged me to try it to see if my mood got better. She also told me to cut caffeine or switch to decaf coffee to see if my anxiety goes down.
.
.
.
I was determined to take these recommendations seriously. I didn't want how I was feeling to effect my life at work, at home or ruin relationships with my friends. I certainly didn't want my sweet husband to feel beat down from my moodiness either.
.
.
.
I cut Social Media to not compare my progress with anyone else. To make ME my biggest competition. To not promote what I was doing for "likes". To just really dig deep & want something for myself. To pursue something to help start my marriage off on the right track.
I am also happy to say that I have been working out every day since my doctor's appointment. And all I have been doing is 30 minute workout videos on YouTube. I haven't gotten a gym pass & spontaneously become a gym junkie or yogi. No high expectations. Just me & pursuing the expectation of 30 min. a day of exercise.
It's actually fun to compete with just me & trying to form a healthy habit. I've gotten to know myself a lot more. Such as I am not a fan of yoga (sorry, ya'll) & I throughly love the fast paced workouts like Pilates & boxing. My body enjoys light stretch workouts after high intense ones. And overall, I just feel SO much better & am proud of just the little changes I've made to my lifestyle. Matt has even noticed a world of difference since going on Vitamin D & working out. I also switched to decaf & try not to drink coffee everyday (I was going cold turkey for 2 weeks & then I just started decaf).
One wise piece of advice I got was this, "Allow God to enter into your health to change you from the inside out."
I think I have the Holy Spirt to thank because I prayed that He'd give me the self control I needed to be physically, mentally, emotionally & spiritually well. He came through like He always does & I am relying heavily on that spiritual fruit.
The Lord has given me more self control & I know I have Him to thank...because if you knew me before all of this....I HATED WORKING OUT!
I still am not where I want to be, but I am proud that I am finally kicking my own ass to get there. It's also crazy how a little Vitamin can do BIG things for your health. Miracles happen, people.
Saturday, February 16, 2019
Friday, September 14, 2018
Wolves in Sheeps Clothing
"In September 2018, Pope Francis said in a homily that "the Great Accuser" (a Biblical name for Satan) was working to "attack bishops" and "uncover their sins" so as to "scandalize the people." Francis delivered the homily at a time when the Vatican hierarchy (including he himself) is facing multiple allegations of covering up sexual abuse." -Snopes.com article
What horrible words, Pope Francis! Only Light exposes the darkness. Darkness cannot drive out darkness. You think it's the Enemy?! Open your eyes! Christ came as the light of the world. To expose the sin of man to see the darkness & a need for a Savior. Stop letting evil reign in the church. God wants us to act justly, love mercy & walk humbly in community with Himself. Wake up & may the Lord have mercy on us all.
"Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. 12 For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. 13 But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, 14 for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,
What horrible words, Pope Francis! Only Light exposes the darkness. Darkness cannot drive out darkness. You think it's the Enemy?! Open your eyes! Christ came as the light of the world. To expose the sin of man to see the darkness & a need for a Savior. Stop letting evil reign in the church. God wants us to act justly, love mercy & walk humbly in community with Himself. Wake up & may the Lord have mercy on us all.
"Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. 12 For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. 13 But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, 14 for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,
“Awake, O sleeper,
and arise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”
and arise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”
-Epehesians 5:11-14
Sunday, May 20, 2018
You Were Always There...
(I wrote this back on August 13th, 2013)
There I was,
Alone and feeling forgotten
By a love that left me empty and brokenhearted.
He came and left.
I was broken.
But you were always there.
You lit up the room
With your smile and humor.
You knew what would make me laugh.
Your kindness was a balm
Your giving nature were the stitches
Your friendship sewed my heart.
I never knew at the time what I had.
Constantly struggling with my heart.
But you were always there.
Feelings developed and I was scared.
I knew I was afraid to try.
But you were always there.
Through the good and the bad,
The joys and the pain
You stood by my side
Without any gain.
You told me you wanted me.
As a presence.
As a person.
As a whole.
For all my strengths and for all my weaknesses.
I cried, I ran, I hid.
But you were always there.
You never gave up.
You never quit.
You saw me as beautiful.
I've never been romanced,
Till you came along
And taught me how to sing Love's sweet song.
I think the best part of it all
Was that I never saw you coming.
And yet you were always there.
So now, its my turn.
I want to always be there.
I never want to quit.
I never want to run.
I don't want to be the girl I was.
I want to be the woman who's not afraid to try.
I want you.
As a presence.
As a person.
As a whole.
For all your strengths and weaknesses.
I want to fight for you.
I want to always be here.
Because, you my dear...
...You were always there.
There I was,
Alone and feeling forgotten
By a love that left me empty and brokenhearted.
He came and left.
I was broken.
But you were always there.
You lit up the room
With your smile and humor.
You knew what would make me laugh.
Your kindness was a balm
Your giving nature were the stitches
Your friendship sewed my heart.
I never knew at the time what I had.
Constantly struggling with my heart.
But you were always there.
Feelings developed and I was scared.
I knew I was afraid to try.
But you were always there.
Through the good and the bad,
The joys and the pain
You stood by my side
Without any gain.
You told me you wanted me.
As a presence.
As a person.
As a whole.
For all my strengths and for all my weaknesses.
I cried, I ran, I hid.
But you were always there.
You never gave up.
You never quit.
You saw me as beautiful.
I've never been romanced,
Till you came along
And taught me how to sing Love's sweet song.
I think the best part of it all
Was that I never saw you coming.
And yet you were always there.
So now, its my turn.
I want to always be there.
I never want to quit.
I never want to run.
I don't want to be the girl I was.
I want to be the woman who's not afraid to try.
I want you.
As a presence.
As a person.
As a whole.
For all your strengths and weaknesses.
I want to fight for you.
I want to always be here.
Because, you my dear...
...You were always there.
Saturday, February 17, 2018
Prayer
My God,
Hear my heart's cry...
My heart hurts as I read so many things about the state of our land. A nation that no longer fears You. A nation who believes that prayers don't mean anything. That human action and legislation is the solution. We worship our politicians. Our false idols. We turn a blind eye toward evil & are so quick to blame our neighbors. So quick to point the fingers. So quick to open our mouths to get our point across.
So quick to anger...anger is a domino effect if not controlled & directed properly. Anger leads to pain. To hate. To murder.
Everything seems upside down from my point of view. I'm seeing my brothers & sisters fight. Belittle each other. Doubting, hurting, not believing, faithless & distrusting.
What's wrong with thoughts & prayers? When tragedy strikes, what's the first thing I want to be comforted by my friends and family? Thoughts & prayers...then action. I don't want to disregard that major step when it comes to sorrow. If we forget that step in our process of mourning, we turn bitter & it creates more anger.
People have every right to be angry. But let's not forget to mourn with those who mourn. Let's not let our anger trample over their tears. Their pain. The emptiness of losing a child. A friend. A son. A daughter. A cousin. A student.
Praying is a powerful tool for Christians. There is power in prayer. I know You are hearing our prayers. Let us have the open hearts to see your answer. Didn't Jesus command us to pray as a first response?
Hear my heart's cry...
My heart hurts as I read so many things about the state of our land. A nation that no longer fears You. A nation who believes that prayers don't mean anything. That human action and legislation is the solution. We worship our politicians. Our false idols. We turn a blind eye toward evil & are so quick to blame our neighbors. So quick to point the fingers. So quick to open our mouths to get our point across.
So quick to anger...anger is a domino effect if not controlled & directed properly. Anger leads to pain. To hate. To murder.
Everything seems upside down from my point of view. I'm seeing my brothers & sisters fight. Belittle each other. Doubting, hurting, not believing, faithless & distrusting.
What's wrong with thoughts & prayers? When tragedy strikes, what's the first thing I want to be comforted by my friends and family? Thoughts & prayers...then action. I don't want to disregard that major step when it comes to sorrow. If we forget that step in our process of mourning, we turn bitter & it creates more anger.
People have every right to be angry. But let's not forget to mourn with those who mourn. Let's not let our anger trample over their tears. Their pain. The emptiness of losing a child. A friend. A son. A daughter. A cousin. A student.
Praying is a powerful tool for Christians. There is power in prayer. I know You are hearing our prayers. Let us have the open hearts to see your answer. Didn't Jesus command us to pray as a first response?
Wednesday, December 13, 2017
A Picture Holds A Thousand Words
This is a very personal entry, so bare with me.
In college, I struggled with insecurities like most girls. I was mean to myself. If you could've made the inner voice in my head into a person, you'd be appalled at how horrible this person would be. I didn't think I was pretty. I didn't think I was worth anything. I hated how emotional my heart was. I believed the lies. I held on dearly to what God's Words said about me to combat those lies. That I was dearly loved and that no matter what I did, God was always going to love me. I wondered if I was ever going to meet a man who treated me well. Who was kind and gentle. Who respected me. Who appreciated me. I used to write poems late at night that were more like prayers. I wondered if I was beautiful.
.
.
.
.
Fast forward to our engagement shoot. It was really windy &, at the time, I was too worried about my hair (haha). Weeks later, I looked through all the beautiful pictures. And came across one that just stuck with me. This is the picture you will see. Then, I found a poem that I wrote back in 2010. It was a prayer to the Lord. I needed & desperately wanted some sort of affirmation from Him. I did get my affirmation at the time by reading my Bible. What I didn't know, was that He was going to literally answer & remind me years later that He is a God who always keeps His promises. That He loves me. He always hears me. He will always provide for me. And that He is with me through every storm, every wonderful moment & every trial that I will face. He was speaking to me that day. And I was worried about my hair.
So, look at this picture & please read the poem. May this bring Him glory. If you are struggling with the same questions that I once did (and still do at times), know that God so loved you that Jesus came & gave us a new found hope. I know now just how God feels about me.
In college, I struggled with insecurities like most girls. I was mean to myself. If you could've made the inner voice in my head into a person, you'd be appalled at how horrible this person would be. I didn't think I was pretty. I didn't think I was worth anything. I hated how emotional my heart was. I believed the lies. I held on dearly to what God's Words said about me to combat those lies. That I was dearly loved and that no matter what I did, God was always going to love me. I wondered if I was ever going to meet a man who treated me well. Who was kind and gentle. Who respected me. Who appreciated me. I used to write poems late at night that were more like prayers. I wondered if I was beautiful.
.
.
.
.
Fast forward to our engagement shoot. It was really windy &, at the time, I was too worried about my hair (haha). Weeks later, I looked through all the beautiful pictures. And came across one that just stuck with me. This is the picture you will see. Then, I found a poem that I wrote back in 2010. It was a prayer to the Lord. I needed & desperately wanted some sort of affirmation from Him. I did get my affirmation at the time by reading my Bible. What I didn't know, was that He was going to literally answer & remind me years later that He is a God who always keeps His promises. That He loves me. He always hears me. He will always provide for me. And that He is with me through every storm, every wonderful moment & every trial that I will face. He was speaking to me that day. And I was worried about my hair.
So, look at this picture & please read the poem. May this bring Him glory. If you are struggling with the same questions that I once did (and still do at times), know that God so loved you that Jesus came & gave us a new found hope. I know now just how God feels about me.
Am I Beautiful?
Lemme know I am Beautiful...
I want to feel pretty again...
Please tell me I am Beautiful...
The devil's lie is hitting me hard...
Tell me I am Beautiful...
So many things are convincing me that I am not...
Lemme know that familiar hold on my heart...
Lemme know there is a man out there who will treat me like a jewel...
Tell me I am Beautiful by the way you make him look at me...
Tell me I am Beautiful by the way he looks at me...
Tell me I am Beautiful by the way the wind blows my hair...
Tell me I am Beautiful by the way the mist of the ocean air kisses my skin...
Lemme know that you think I am Beautiful...
All I need is Your affirmation...
Lemme know that that is all I need...
Sunday, November 19, 2017
I Have Found the One Whom My Soul Loves...
I've been waiting SO long for you...I knew you were out there. I prayed for you, wrote letters to you before even knowing you & dreamed about you my whole life. I never really was a girl who believed in fairy tales, but then I think of our story. The perfect romantic comedy. Girl falls for the boy next door. Friends falling in love.
You make my heart flutter. You give me butterflies. You make me laugh uncontrollably. You make me feel whole & you've helped me become the best woman I can be. You're the missing piece to my puzzle. My best friend & the love of my life.
Matthew James Sparks...I can't wait to be your wife!
Thank you, Jesus, for my man.
Wednesday, June 21, 2017
Faith or Fear?
I've always lived a life plagued by fear. To some, I may put on a facade and look like I'm confident. But to others who know me very well, I am a constant worry wart.
What will they think of me?
What if I don't make it?
What if this isn't the right decision?
What if I can't afford to live?
Constant worries and fears flood my brain and cloud my soul from seeing the provisions that my Heavenly Father gives me. Lately, I've had to think of a big decision that's been weighing heavily on my heart for months. Its a complete leap of faith and I've been constantly in prayer, spilling out my heart and anxieties to God.
For a while, I have been running away from the gifts the Lord has given me. The past few months, I know that God has opened doors for me and provided. However, upon entering those doors, He has revealed to me who I was meant to be, what I was meant to do and what I was created for. Upon seeing this, I was fearful.
"But Lord! Why now?! I'm so scared! What if I can't pay my bills? What if I can't?"
Can't. Won't. FEAR.
For weeks, I have been in constant prayer, seeking advice from people who know me best and reading my Bible. Everything points to this one decision.
However, the only one getting in the way of it is ME. I've been constantly shaking off all the words of encouragement, advice and prayers. Thinking, "No, it's a coincidence. It just so happens to be this way" or "They're just saying this because they are trying to be supportive".
Right now, I can just imagine what the Lord would say to me. He's been piercing through my veils that I constantly try to shield myself with. Things such as just so happening to listen to one of my church's sermons at work when it's been MONTHS since I've done that. The very message was about fear and faith. As Christians, we are told, no, COMMANDED to live a life of faith. Fear has no room in a relationship with Jesus. Will I live a life of faith or live a life of fear? If I lived a life of fear, this means I do not trust in Jesus and all the things He said He'd do. It's not a thing to take lightly. If I say "Yes, Jesus! I believe and trust in you", but the second He's asked me to do something in my life and I say "Oh...wait just a second, Lord. I need to save up first" or "Ummm...what? No, I can't do that. The cons out weigh the pros".
If I am teaching my kids on Sunday to have faith and not be afraid, but on Monday I let fear reign, that makes me a hypocrite.
God's words have been resonating in my heart and mind for weeks. You cannot serve God and money. Whoever loses his life will find it. Take up your cross and follow me. Do not be anxious. Your Heavenly Father provides for the sparrows. You are valued much more than they. Trust me. Trust.
I prayed for peace that surpasses all understanding regarding this decision. This week, I do have peace that far outweighs my anxiety. Faith that may be small as a mustard seed, but hey, I can move some mountains, right?
So when fear creeps in, we have FREEDOM to chose. We aren't prisoners of our fears. We have been set free to chose faith.
And a life of faith is an adventurous, mind blowing way to live. Faith lets us experience a Living and breathing God who cares and loves you and who will provide for you in ways you can't imagine.
I want fear to lose and I want faith to win for once in my life.
What will they think of me?
What if I don't make it?
What if this isn't the right decision?
What if I can't afford to live?
Constant worries and fears flood my brain and cloud my soul from seeing the provisions that my Heavenly Father gives me. Lately, I've had to think of a big decision that's been weighing heavily on my heart for months. Its a complete leap of faith and I've been constantly in prayer, spilling out my heart and anxieties to God.
For a while, I have been running away from the gifts the Lord has given me. The past few months, I know that God has opened doors for me and provided. However, upon entering those doors, He has revealed to me who I was meant to be, what I was meant to do and what I was created for. Upon seeing this, I was fearful.
"But Lord! Why now?! I'm so scared! What if I can't pay my bills? What if I can't?"
Can't. Won't. FEAR.
For weeks, I have been in constant prayer, seeking advice from people who know me best and reading my Bible. Everything points to this one decision.
However, the only one getting in the way of it is ME. I've been constantly shaking off all the words of encouragement, advice and prayers. Thinking, "No, it's a coincidence. It just so happens to be this way" or "They're just saying this because they are trying to be supportive".
Right now, I can just imagine what the Lord would say to me. He's been piercing through my veils that I constantly try to shield myself with. Things such as just so happening to listen to one of my church's sermons at work when it's been MONTHS since I've done that. The very message was about fear and faith. As Christians, we are told, no, COMMANDED to live a life of faith. Fear has no room in a relationship with Jesus. Will I live a life of faith or live a life of fear? If I lived a life of fear, this means I do not trust in Jesus and all the things He said He'd do. It's not a thing to take lightly. If I say "Yes, Jesus! I believe and trust in you", but the second He's asked me to do something in my life and I say "Oh...wait just a second, Lord. I need to save up first" or "Ummm...what? No, I can't do that. The cons out weigh the pros".
If I am teaching my kids on Sunday to have faith and not be afraid, but on Monday I let fear reign, that makes me a hypocrite.
God's words have been resonating in my heart and mind for weeks. You cannot serve God and money. Whoever loses his life will find it. Take up your cross and follow me. Do not be anxious. Your Heavenly Father provides for the sparrows. You are valued much more than they. Trust me. Trust.
I prayed for peace that surpasses all understanding regarding this decision. This week, I do have peace that far outweighs my anxiety. Faith that may be small as a mustard seed, but hey, I can move some mountains, right?
So when fear creeps in, we have FREEDOM to chose. We aren't prisoners of our fears. We have been set free to chose faith.
And a life of faith is an adventurous, mind blowing way to live. Faith lets us experience a Living and breathing God who cares and loves you and who will provide for you in ways you can't imagine.
I want fear to lose and I want faith to win for once in my life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)