This week I have 5th and 6th grade girls. I cannot even begin to explain how much joy and encouragement they have been to me this whole week. I've been tired, lonely and honestly...I began to really miss my friends. Some of them came to visit me on Tuesday and when they left, they took a piece of my heart with them. Yesterday was super hard because it was Creach Day...and it was FREEZING. If you know me and how I handle cold weather, you know that its like watching a cat in a rain storm...miserable. However, later that day I took my girls to the fountain to eat a giant mudslide. I was going to pay for it all, but one of my girl's moms paid for it. I was so blessed by that. I was willing to pay for it, but she went ahead and did it. I had so much fun hanging out with them that my bad attitude turned into thanksgiving and joy as I ate a bunch of ice cream with my cheerful small group.
God has been teaching me a lot about patience recently too. I've been praying for two weeks straight for something, but I feel like God isn't hearing my prayer or is saying no. I don't want to give up on my prayer though. I've learned patience through one of my girls this week. I had a jr. higher in my group earlier this week because during JEMS week there is no youth program. She was bummed that she couldn't go into the jr. high camp.
I tried to make her feel welcome and to let her know that I understand and want to be there for her as she was with younger girls. On boat day (Monday) she actually had so much fun. That night, she didn't show up because I found out that she made it into the jr. high camp. She left a letter for me saying that she believed God had wanted to test her patience and that once she was accepting where God had placed her, He ended up blessing her. It was awesome to learn that from someone much younger than me.Lately I've also been rereading the book called Captivating. It's basically a book about finding out what being a woman looks like...the way God intended her to be and why we as women have the desires that we have. Reading this book has been a huge deal for me lately. Being up here, I've felt my insecurities come out. I so desperately long to be wanted...to be seen as beautiful for everything that I am. My heart longs to be romanced. I long to be romanced by my Savior. The book explains that the question that most women have is this: Am I lovely? Do you see me? Do you want to see me? Are you captivated by what you find in me? That's what I've been struggling with lately. I want to be wanted. I love feeling like someone cares and needs me...but most importantly WANTS me. I think finding out that God doesn't need me but WANTS me...is a way better visual. I long to make a difference in the lives of others. To show them how wonderfully and fearfully made they are. To know that the God is the lover of the soul who constantly pursues.
I long to find out what that will truly look like one day when I reunite with him in heaven. I long to find out what that will mean when I marry someday. Only God can satisfy that deep longing of being known from the inside out. He gets me. He considers me beautiful and flawless. He sees me for who I am. He sees me in the darkest moments and considers me beautiful. I fell asleep reading this book one afternoon with a sudden peace that was overwhelming. I woke up feeling beautiful and for a young woman, thats a rare feeling. I felt like God was right there when I awoke. Admiring me for my soul.
"All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you." Song of Solomon 4:7...I literally felt that in the depths of my heart.
JEMS week shines with Love. God is good.
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