Strength in Weakness

I am currently at work, sipping away on my scrumptious Carmel Macchiato that a good friend got me (I'm obsessed with carmel things) and enjoying the sound of the gentle tapping of my keyboard as I type these words. I don't really know who takes the time to read the musings of a 21 year old girl, but the thought of someone finding these words encouraging is uplifting in itself. And I thank you, whoever you are, if you happened to stumble across this little blog.

I've been thinking a lot about this past weekend. It was SO good. Better than good. Rejuvenating. Yeah, I'll stick with that. Anyways, I went snowboarding with my mom, Lindsay, Robin, Chelsey, Michelle and Barret. It was so much fun even though I stopped right after lunch after only 3 runs.

I simply got too tired and dehydrated to keep going on. I ended up sitting in the car, napping, reading and talking with God. During that solo time, I never thought that God would reveal something to me. I mean, there I was, really angry with myself that I couldn't suck it up and keep going. However, the thought of it was nauseating. I just had no strength. Feeling that way lead to a whole path of insecurities that started to surface in my mind. A domino effect of negativity. Thoughts like, 'Why am I so weak?', 'Why can't I do anything right?', 'I am such a disappointment...' etc. Negative after negative and to top it all off, my heart has been in the midst of deeper struggles than that. I was feeling pretty down in that car, so I decided to text my dad. I told him I felt bad because I felt like my parents wasted money on me. His reply? "No worries, sweetie! I would have paid it just to see for the fun we had last night." (The previous night we danced like a bunch of crazy people at a 50th birthday party).

That's when God began to speak to me. It didn't matter how many runs I did. He still loved me and I was His. It was so impacting at that moment. I began to argue back telling Him that I just wanted to make Him proud (because the last year of my life, I had just felt like I'd been messing up ALL the time). What if I did one more run for Him? To bring Him glory? He told me that it was just as important to know your limitations as well as your strengths. He told me to look at the mountain at all the people snowboarding. Then proceeded to say that a lot of the people who came to Snow Summit that day did not have that mind set (to bring Him glory by just snowboarding down a mountain). I had made him proud by the simple desire to want to bring Him glory with a simple thing. That encouragement from the Holy Spirit made all the negative thoughts disappear and was replaced by an unexplainable peace. In that moment, I was ok again and I had found strength in my weakness.

The Holy Spirit can speak to you at any point. For me, it was in a car at the bottom of the Snow Summit run. So random, but so good.

2 Corinthians 12:9
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

Not Of This World

I am a Christian. I love Jesus with my whole heart, soul and mind. I fail Him often. I stumble. I am not perfect, but I know Jesus is forever with me. No matter how many times I want to give up. No matter how many times I am laughed at or made fun of for my beliefs. No matter how many tears are shed because sometimes telling people about the Gospel can not only be joyful, but also painful. Painful because not everyone else views the Gospel as the most glorious thing and the most precious gift God has given man-kind. But instead, the world mocks you, spits in your face, tells you you're close-minded, raid your homes, kill your loved ones and may even kill you for standing up for the Kingdom that has been established by the Prince of Peace, King Jesus.

I've been thinking a lot lately. A lot about where my country is heading. My stomach churns at seeing some of the things that are going on in the news. How the Christian voice is being silenced in our government. How Christianity is considered offensive. How people hate Christians because they believe we are judgmental which is hypocrisy because in turn, they are judging us. Yes, we are human too, but we have come to realize the Truth. Being a Christian doesn't instantly mean we become perfect people, but instead its a public statement that we have seen our own sin and understand that we need forgiveness from the Way, the Truth and the Life...that being through Jesus' sacrifice on that cross. The only perfect person. The Son of God. The perfect sacrifice. In trusting that He is the only way for salvation, we bear our own crosses, deny ourselves and try to lead in Jesus' example within our everyday lives. To stand up for the Truth and to proclaim the same Words that Christ had spoken.

However, the older I get, the more I come to realize how tough it is to be a stranger in a foreign land. I am not home. This world is not my home. My heart breaks because people that don't know Christ will never understand. Will never empathize with you on your views. Will think that you hate instead of love. For example, if I ever tell someone I don't approve of homosexuality, I would be considered anti-gay, a hater, an extremist, too close minded. But in saying that about me without even knowing me or asking me why, aren't you the one judging me? Aren't you the real hater? Aren't you the real extremist?

Just because I don't agree with someone does not mean I hate them. If anything, I am called to love. The real Christian would know this and live this out. The real open minded person would open the Bible and see for themselves why Christians believe what we do and what Christ has called us to do.

The more I hear the things happening in our world, the eerier it gets because everything that Christ has talked about is coming true. The world hates us for Him (John 15:18-19).

Elderly Outreach: What God's Been Doing

Woah...its been a while. I haven't written a blog post in months! Well, lets play 'catch up'.

So this semester is going by pretty fast. I've had my fair share of ups, downs, twists, turns, surprises and cliches. Overall, its been challenging, exciting, confusing, difficult and beautiful.

 I'm using this entry to express what I have been reflecting on these last couple of days. It has to do with my ministry that I co-lead on campus.

As some of you already know, I am a student ministry leader here on campus this year. I view it as an honor and a high privilege to be serving the Lord in this leadership role and I do not take it lightly. I want to share with you what the Lord has been doing through us as we go and spend 2 hours out of our Saturdays to be in fellowship with the elderly.

Elderly Outreach is every Saturday from 10 am-12 pm. The day starts out with us meeting behind the caf with the PLNU vans (shout out to PLNU's physical plant) where we meet and greet with the students who participate. We then load up the vans and make a 10 minute drive to Golden Living. We usually wander around the building to see whose doors are open or to see if anyone is in the foyer to chat. My favorite part. We usually have the people we normally talk to every Saturday, but occasionally the shyer folks begin to open up and share life with us. Over the years, my relationships with my elderly friends have been building. I have been so blessed to share life with these folks who have so much wisdom, love and experience. Every now and then, God leads me into specific conversations with people. I've shared my faith with people, laughed with them and even mourned with them. Sometimes our ministry isn't an easy one. Some of our friends pass away. Some of them experience dementia and don't remember who you are. Some of them slow down with age and don't have much pep in them as they used to. But you know what? The times you spend comforting and just being a presence for them makes it all worth it.

I've been talking to my friends Glenna and Geneva more. I met Glenna last year (she's pictured on the left) and I thought she was hilarious. She's blind, but she makes jokes about it all the time. Her humor is unmatched. Then there's Geneva who I met this year (she's on the right) when she was painting a sunflower in the upstairs lounge. She was kind and so sweet. She told me she was a Christian and was seeking fellowship in the home with other Christians. The joy on her face when I told her about our ministry and that we were Christians was so beautiful. I've read Bible passages with her and talked to her about her life and where I was at in my own. Geneva has kind of taken Glenna under her wing and goes to see a man named Pastor John who is a chaplain that visits them every Saturday. Glenna is Jewish and has been enjoying hearing the Gospel, but I don't think she's asked Jesus into her life yet. I've been praying for her about it.

I finally got to meet Pastor John on Saturday when I was sitting with Geneva and Glenna. He began to tell us his testimony and how the Lord met him when he was 28 years old. "I finally gave my life over to him," he said with a genuine and warm smile. After hearing a few wow's and cool's, Pastor John said goodbye and left. Then I asked Glenna how she was doing,
"Not good," she said, "I have been in a lot of pain lately. I need to do the same as what Pastor John did."
After that, she exchanged her story of where life brought her. A career as a psychiatric nurse. Traveled the world. Her favorite place was Morocco. She saved a suicidal man one time using her witty sense of humor. But then, she became blind. Surgery she had on her eyes to try to reverse it, made it worse. And now she had terrible arthritis.
I asked Glenna if we could pray for her and she said she would love that. A couple of other girls were with me and we laid our hands on Glenna. The Lord was there.
Glenna started to cry, "I have never had someone pray for me before like that. Thank you. I have been in so much pain that I can't do anything I used to enjoy. Its been so hard."

My heart broke for Glenna. What? How old was she? She hasn't had anyone pray for her like that? EVER?

It got me thinking...what are we doing? What are Christians doing? We are called to proclaim freedom to the captives, to share God's love, to die to ourselves, take up our crosses and to go out and be the hands and feet of Jesus. What. Are. We. Doing. There are people out there who need to hear about Jesus. Who need to be loved because they feel alone and invisible. We need to stop sitting on our butts and quit having a selfish faith. By selfish faith, I mean hearing the Gospel and then keeping it for ourselves. Going to church to satisfy only OUR hunger. As in James, faith without works is dead. We need to stop living selfishly and to go live our faith out loud.

Because there are people out there, like Glenna, who are old, lost, in pain and alone, who have NEVER been prayed for. Who have NEVER heard the Gospel. I know this hurts Christ's heart just as much as it hurts mine.

Its sad. It hurts me. But you know what? God is good. He raises up warriors to defend the case of the afflicted and oppressed. He's the ultimate healer. He has sent Jesus. Lets shout it from the rooftops!

Please continue to pray for this ministry as well as all the other ones at PLNU. God is doing wonderful things. Please pray that God will raise up more people to attend. Pray for the student leaders. Pray for Glenna. God is working on her heart. And its been a joy to see.

Thank you for your time.

God Bless.

Punchinello: You Are Special

As Summer came to a close and I transitioned back into school, I never thought that it was going to be hard. I did transition fast back into school (only having a day at my new house), but I didn't think I was going to have a hard time.

My heart still struggles with a lot of things. Such as letting go of stuff and moving forward. But God is good and He's proven His faithfulness to me (not that He needs to be proved of anything of course). Its funny cause coming back to school, I have realized what I need to work on in my heart (I know...sappy gross ew). I mean, we grow everyday, but I think its a huge step to recognize the ish in one's life. I think the biggest step of growth one can make is giving that ish to God. I think that when we give that up to Him, that's a huge step.

Camp has taught me a lot, but one of the big lessons I got was from a simple children's book called, "You Are Special" by Max Lucado. I would read this to my 1st and 2nd graders all the time. I loved it! Its a story about a Wemmick (a wooden puppet) named Punchinello. For those of you who don't know the story, the Wemmicks give stars to those they like, those who are beautiful, those who are talented or whatever. But the rest they give grey dots too. Those who had a lot of grey dots were shunned, made fun of or hated. Punchinello was one of these, but then he meets another puppet whose grey dots and stars just fall off. They don't stick to her. She tells Punchinello to go visit Eli the woodcarver. Eli turns out to be his Creator and Eli tells Punchinello that her stickers don't stick because she understands that it doesn't matter what the other Wemmicks think because they are just Wemmicks created by Eli. It only matters what Eli thinks of her because she is exactly how Eli made her. She understands that she is loved by her creator. Eli doesn't make mistakes.

Its funny how children's books can speak to you. Eli tells Punchinello to visit and spend time with him everyday. Eventually, the grey dots will fall off too. I've been thinking a lot about that lately. I am a people pleaser. Sometimes I do care what people think of me, but I think I am still my harshest critic. The negative self talk can be haunting and heavy. But this little story that I dove into all summer constantly reminds me to spend time with MY Creator. If I spend time with my Creator, I will begin to see more and more each day how much He loves me and who He has created me to be.

Eventually, my grey dots will fall off too. :]

2012 FIN

As you all might know, I am wrapping things up here at the Herm. I cannot believe it either! This summer has gone by in the blink of an eye! I am still processing this summer, but one main thing I have pulled away from it is that God can bless you in your brokenness.

I came into this summer with a broken heart. There were just a lot of things that I was questioning and a lot of things that I needed to let go of. I had no idea how I was going to go through this summer. I was already tired and beaten. But God blessed me in ways that I cannot even begin to explain. This entry goes out to the Lord.

God has a funny sense of humor. I say this because who knew that God had this in mind for me when I came into this summer. I used to have a mind set of "Oh no...I messed up big time...I'm not in the right to receive blessings from God based off of where I am at in my life right now, let alone teach kids about Jesus..."

Woah. Hold up...was I questioning His Grace? His goodness? His provision? His LOVE...for me? The whole "I did something wrong so I am going to be punished" way of thinking was a trap that I had been living in.

Week 7: Dallas Theological Seminary Week!

Helloooo world...

Yup. I am still alive. Sorry about not posting for a while, but I have been extremely busy. I have yet to talk about Week 7 or Week 8, but here I go! Sorry if its a lot. Week 7 was Dallas week which is similar to the JEMS week schedule which means a whole extra day of session. It was a long and busy week, but really awesome.

Adrianna was back this week. She and along with Dustin were the campers that I felt like God placed in my life specifically to be their camp counselor last summer. I requested 3rd/4th in hopes of having this little diva in my group again. But it seemed that God had different plans for me. As soon as my boss said I had 1st and 2nd grade, the look on my face said it all. I did NOT want to have 1st and 2nd grade again. I have spent more time with this grade group out of any other one this summer and I just wanted to have older kids because it takes an extra amount of energy to work with them.

However, my heart began to soften for these little guys. My group was awesome and I loved them dearly. Out of all the scavenger hunts I've done, this week topped them all! It was crazy good for lots of reasons...mostly because Frizz got abducted by my friend Shane because he pretended to mistake her for a mermaid (loooooong story). It was hilarious.

By the end of the week, I was exhausted. The highlight of that week was the campfire that Dallas does. All the adults and youth (Day Campers included), share about how God had worked in their lives that week. I was shocked when mostly younger people spoke. There were only 3 adults who spoke and the rest were kids! It was so awesome. The most precious moment to me was when one of the girls from my small group fell asleep in my arms while all this sharing was going on. Afterwards, we sang a bunch of worship songs. My heart was so filled with love and joy in that moment. There's something precious about a child falling asleep in your arms. The peace and innocence is so sweet. I held Sara and sang songs to the Lord that night. So thankful and so blessed that I was there.

BIG

Week 6 is done and I can't help but feel sad about it. I had the BEST group of 5th and 6th graders!

Going into the week, I was so nervous. My boss had told us that this week was going to be huge. Almost as big as JEMS week without 6 extra counselors from Redwood helping us out. She also told me that Otter and I were going to be the only 5th and 6th grade girl counselors that week. Which meant 32 girls and our Bible studies would consist of 16 girls we'd be responsible for. Pressurrrrrrrrre!!!

When I got the girls who were going to be in my group, I was so nervous. Of course I wanted them to like me. I felt that my first Bible Study was terrible because I was so nervous talking to these girls. I was also stressed out because I had 2 girls who were deathly allergic to peanuts as well as other things and they needed me to carry around their epi pen and stuff. I also wanted each and every single girl to feel connected. I struggled with names on the first day which I HATE because I believe there is so much in a name and its super important to address your campers by name so that they feel like they are known and loved.

Monday night we had Treasure Hunt which means we run all over Conference Center looking for clues to a treasure. Unfortunately, within the first 5 minutes, one of my girl's fell and busted open her knee. I had to send Otter with her back to Day Camp and I was left alone to lead 31 girls on this treasure hunt. Not to mention we had forgotten our walkie talkie...and we had about 4 girls who were extra slow due to injuries. One of our clues also got stuck behind a sign on a brick wall and I had to improvise by taking out tweezers from our med pack and getting it. I thought we wouldn't finish on time, but we did! I made it back on time for Theme Skit as well where I played a character that I made up called 'Raptor Randall'...its a long story...I'll save that for another time.

The next day, Otter and I were feeling really down and overwhelmed...thinking that we weren't connecting to our girls. Spike (one of our team leaders/close friends) pulled us aside and specifically prayed for our group of girls. It meant so much to me and I felt so much better after he did that.
That day, our Bible Studies went extremely well and I felt like I had connected with most of my girls. 


God was so good this week. I literally felt that once I surrendered to Him, He literally just took over my words and actions and carried me through this last week. I had the best Bible Studies this week. Even though most of the time I felt like I was preaching to these girls, they were quite responsive to everything I felt the Lord was saying to them. I didn't have to worry.


Luminaria this week went so well too. I got the chance to share with the 5th and 6th graders how camp had affected my life growing up. My girls later told me that what I had to say was inspirational. Glory to God. I can't take that credit. One thing that we asked for the 5th and 6th graders was to think about how they had changed and how God had worked in their lives that week. We asked for them to write down something on a piece of paper that they would like to surrender to God and then we'd throw it in the fire. It was really cool to see all these young people respond. SO cool.


The last day was really hard. I did not want to say goodbye to these kids that had touched my heart. I took my girls to the Fountain for some ice cream and we also got to paint their nails. They loved it! I had one of my girls Madeline tell me that I was the best camp counselor she's ever had. She also said that not only that but I was an awesome person in general and that she looked up to me. Obviously, credit goes to God....I could not have done this without Him.


The Holy Spirit really guided myself as well as my girls this week. Its a cool feeling to know that God used you in a way to help bring others closer to Him. I want to remain humble knowing that it is not me, but this all comes from Jesus who gives me strength.


I have been blessed so much this last week. I am really going to miss these campers of Week 6.





Week 7...its Dallas Week! What's going to go down this week??